


No Requiem

by dancingswanprincess



Category: Dear Evan Hansen
Genre: Gen, References to Drugs, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 10:47:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11034609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancingswanprincess/pseuds/dancingswanprincess
Summary: Zoe's reaction to reading that, according to Connor's note, her own brother didn't know her.





	No Requiem

She hadn’t found Connor, but Zoe had been in the room when her mom had gotten the phone call. Connor’s car wrapped around a tree, halfway down a cliff from the highway, and he hadn’t been wearing a seatbelt. They hadn’t found skid marks on the road, but they’d found pot in her brother’s system and a note in his left coat pocket. They thought it was suicide. 

Suicide. Her brother had committed—No. No, that wasn’t allowed. He wasn’t allowed to just run away! Yeah, life sucked, Zoe had known that for a long time! So, you pick yourself up and _live with it_. He couldn’t just do this! How could he _do this_ to them?! Mom a-and Dad and…why? Why hadn’t he even written it to his family?! The words were on repeat in her head: **_Dear Evan Hansen, Dear Evan Hansen…_** He’d written his suicide letter to a kid who he’d pushed down in the hallway? It didn’t make sense. 

Then again, her brother had _never_ made sense. 

She could never make sense of the times that he’d come home high and paranoid, scream at her like she was some kind of criminal until she hid in the closet. She couldn’t make sense of his friends who hung out with him behind the school and had no concept of personal space. They’d grab at her, jeer at her, and what would Connor do? Absolutely nothing. He would stand there like a lump and only fight her when she tried to drag him home. She just…didn’t understand. 

**_Dear Evan Hansen…_ **

Zoe tore her eyes away from the first line, and scanned the copy of the letter she’d read ten thousand times. _**And all my hopes are pinned on Zoe, who I don’t even know, and who doesn’t know me.**_ Doesn’t know him? Of course she knows him, he’s her brother! Well, _was_ her brother. But…did he really not know _her?_ After growing up together he really didn’t pick up on anything? Not her favorite classes that she talked about every night at dinner? Not what TV show she was binging from all the times he stole her laptop? _Nothing?_ That stung. That stung worse than…anything she’d ever felt. After a minute, that shock turned into anger; white hot, coursing through her veins and settling in her stomach. She clenched her jaw. He didn’t _know_ her? Well, fuck him. Just because he’s dead and she _was_ his sister doesn’t mean she had to remember him. God knows he wouldn’t have remembered her if she’d decided to pull this.

Zoe crumpled up the copy of the letter in her hands. 

The sound of crinkling paper was just audible over the sound of her mother’s sobbing, and the entire room turned to face her. The first pair of eyes she noticed was belonged to the policeman, then the eyes on the EMTs. Then her parents. The girl stared back into their eyes with a steely gaze, got up from the living room couch, and threw her copy of her bro- _Connor’s_ suicide note in the kitchen trashcan. _Fuck Connor Murphy_. Over the sound of her own racing heartbeat, she could hear her mother's voice,“Zoe Murphy, just what do you think you’re doing?”, but she ignored it. Her pounding feet echoed through the house. When she finally got to her room, she slammed the door as loud as she could. She wasn’t going to shed one more tear over Connor Murphy. Connor Murphy who _terrorized_ her, who couldn’t ever find it in himself to defend his little sister from his creeper friends, who wrote his suicide note to a kid that none of them had ever head of because he didn’t even know his _family_ , right? Zoe pulled out her laptop. Even though her brother was dead, she still had a lot of homework to do. 

She wasn’t going to cry over a monster. 


End file.
